She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
