I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize