My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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