Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
