Ambien. No doubt about it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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