I should be sponsored by Trojan
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize