so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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