I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
