i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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