Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
