I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
