Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My bed smells like the plague
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
