i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
