I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
