I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
