just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
