Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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