he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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