Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
