I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
