I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
