Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
