I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
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I need you to use more vowels.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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