How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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