Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
