oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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