please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
