you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
