now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
