I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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