some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
