I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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