yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We are two peas in an std pod
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
