I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
