he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sext me about skeletons
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
