We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
