Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
