You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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