Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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