I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize