i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
