you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
