I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
