yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize