Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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