just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
