wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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