i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
