she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
