so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize