Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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