Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
