The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
