Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
