i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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