I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
