So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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