Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
