If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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