Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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