I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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