I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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