So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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