I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
