i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
