Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
