Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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