people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
