Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
