it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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