I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
