We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize