I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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