Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
