I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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