So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize