I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
