Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
