Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
