he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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