Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
