if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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