Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize