pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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