remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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