So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
