I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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