haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize