ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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