That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
