I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
