You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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