y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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