If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
