I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
