do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I checked into jail on foursquare
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
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