Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
