so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize