i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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