That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
