I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
