People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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