i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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