I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
