Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
