i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
