Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
NoShamevember. You game?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
