I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
no you cant smoke seaweed
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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