I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
