The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
