Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize